Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Authenticity

It took a while to realize it, but I've been taking orders for way too long. Hundreds of blogs, agents, and other people direct me on how I'm supposed to speak on here. The subjects I can and can't breach, as well as the styling I need to be successful. I've sheltered my writing to be politically correct. I've bitten my tongue on several subjects, and omitted emotion, and it has to stop. I'm tired of being afraid that a few lines on a blog will kill my ability to get an agent or a publishing deal. I'm flat out done worrying that expressing myself might somehow hamper my chances at success. That's why I'm in this business; to use my own voice to tell the lies that express truth.

I won't embellish it either. I'm also out here to make a bit of money. I don't care if it's hard in this industry. Take a look around, it's hard everywhere. We all have to swallow that pill, so get some water and fucking do it.

I'm exhausted from the fear of judgement and the guilt of non production. One precludes the other, and sends me into a downward spiral when it comes to writing. I start having to make bets with myself to even make me sit down and type. It truly is wasteful, all things considered. I'm writing to get better at this stage. Every single worry I have right now is based on future events, and I'm letting them hurt my current work. The dilution of my voice for people I've never known doesn't work for me anymore. From now on, I'm going to speak to all of you as a fellow traveler, not an industry standard.

As Taylor Mali said, I'm going to let my words be said in a manner that bespeaks the determination in which I believe it. I'm not going to let my convictions fall aside at the request of people who haven't got the stomach to take it. I can be a professional and not be a drone. I don't have to hum at the same frequency of every other beginning writer struggling for platform on the internet. This is my platform, and I have the remote. Stay with me people, this career is just getting started.

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