Monday, March 7, 2011

Sliding

Vail Pass tried its best to consume me last night; to make me a remnant of the snowy and jagged valleys on the west side of the continental divide. Swatting from all sides, the swirling blizzard tried to rip my tires from the pavement. When the blizzard waned, the ice storm would start back up. The slightest change in gear would lurch me into a slight fishtail, threatening to send me into the Colorado River. This went on for more than five hours. Welcome to the Rocky Mountains.

My hands are still sore from white knuckling the whole drive home, but that isn't really the point. The only reason I am mentioning any of this is because I'm not the kind of guy who finishes things, and I fucking hate it.
 

I was supposed to be done with college, to have my own business*, to be writing non-stop, and maybe even be annihilating a mortgage. My walls, which I promised would be covered in art of my choosing, remain bare. I have a dozen novel starts, and a first draft, but nothing query worthy yet. Even that last bit of my laundry basket remains, clean but unfolded.

I've inexplicably let goals decay for no other reason than laziness and sickness. I've succumbed to the pressures of average adult life, and it bores me to goddamn tears. The way I've been living is the coward’s way, and I wasn't raised to be like this. I was taught to be bold, to fight for what I wanted, and to not
 

So, I took a trip. Some friends needed me for tech work in Aspen, and I told them I would do it. Well, only moments after committing, my brain started trying to find a way out of it. Some bogus excuse where they would have to get someone else, or just ignore it until it goes away. Ultimately, I got in my truck. I drove my lazy ass almost 600 miles round trip, and finished the job. I forced the action, and wound up on top. I'm not sure about you guys, but that means something to me.

More than just the trip, I've been trying to derail this horrid tendency to go 60 percent on everything. I got by on being a knowledgeable smart ass for a long time, but the yield was too small. I've found in myself that I am capable of moving on, and capable of committing myself to whatever lays in front of me. The only thing left to do is to keep driving forward.

* I was sort of forced because of a check error to start my own business today. A little computer repair deal that I intend to work on the side, maybe expand later. Either way, it is a lifelong ambition, and simply doing this job forced it to happen. I’m now official with the Colorado Secretary of State’s office. I'll chalk this up to the whole 'The harder I work, the luckier I seem to be' concept.



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