Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Weird Wednesday #3: Of Shovel and Moose

Image taken from

I want you to imagine your grandmother. For most of you, the image of a sweet silver haired woman pops up; A wonderful old woman from a bygone age who made your favorite cookies anytime you wanted. Some of you might imagine an old crone who spoons with a bottle of Johnny Walker every night, and whose booze-laden breath is the sole reason she will never get stomped by a reindeer. Anyway, imagine if you can, that svelte little 90 pound woman, angrily wielding a shovel, bearing down on an angry moose who is stomping on your grandpa. 

The Actual Dorothea Taylor. Not pictured: Shovel
Dorothea Taylor was faced with just such a situation. While on running her dogs, Fellar and King Tut, she heard them barking loudly. When she looked over, there was a moose stomping on her husband. Now Dorothea, who I imagine subsists on a rigid diet of bacon and cinder blocks, wasn't one to idly let the Alaskan wild's kill a family member. She grabbed a shovel out of their truck, and started swinging. With the aid of her dogs, she was able to drive back the massive beast. I imagine that shortly after chasing the beast off, she hit her husband with the shovel a few times for being such a pussy.

Now, I know some of you flatlanders and computer geeks have never seen a moose, at least not outside of your last Doritos binge while watching Planet Earth, so lets break it down. The moose is basically the biggest motherfuckin' deer that's ever been conjured. They dwarf elk, and the ones that live in Alaska are the largest of their species. They stand almost 7 feet tall at the shoulder, and some of them can even weigh 1,500 pounds. If you dropped 16 Dorothea Taylor's into this situation, the moose still might outweigh them. (On a side note, the last time 16 women of this caliber were gathered in one place, the Amazons of Pontus were formed). [citation needed]

So Dorothy, wielder of shovels, we salute you. For even in modern man's most testosterone laden wars with his surroundings, we may never have the cahones that you exhibited on that fateful day.

If you know of any other badass women that you would like to share, hit up the comments section.

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