Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Weird Wednesday #4 - Vitamin H




Vitamin H! This new supplement, fresh shipped from China, is a veritable fountain of youth (parts)! SGK (Soylent Green Korea) wants YOU to have a better life, a stronger immune system, and a new way to cope with irritating neighbors. Try our vitamin H today, and don’t forget, the secret’s in the sauce!

There are some pretty obscure supplements on the market today. Longevity has people ingesting Green Lipped Mussel, or the squeezed liver of sharks. Most want to live longer, healthier lives, but on the black market of South Korea, anything goes. According to this Popular Science article, customs agents are now checking shipments for the ground up remains of human babies. So far, they have uncovered more than 17,000 capsules.

Uh, what?

Thank you South Park, for helping
contextualize this situation.
So, according to the AP, people are chopping human babies into tiny pieces, grilling them, and then powdering the remains. These remains are then put in capsules, and marketed as a “stamina” booster.

Last time I looked, ingesting members of one’s own species is pretty goddamn unhealthy. Not only is it chock full of awful bacteria, it’s made from fucking babies. Kuru, a disease that causes intense tremors in the limbs is only one side effect. On top of that, it is often thought that humans can get a version of “Mad Cow” disease from consuming our own kind. This supplement, a supposed boost, could actually put holes in your brain over time. It is the authors opinion, that if someone wants to do that, they should just huff paint, and not become a cannibal. That way they can remove themselves from the gene pool, and not encourage the serial powdering of newborns and infants.

I’m not sure I’ve read a worse story in recent memory, but if you can out-weird this, or just want to express your disgust in humanity, hit up the comments section. 

Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday Musings #3: Fuck Your Productivity Method




A long time ago, I caught the not-doing-a-damned-thing-itis. I thought it was because I was disorganized. That I might be able to improve my methods and habits through the use of cell phones, Google Calendar, day planners, journals, sheepskins, and tea leaf divining. These would dictate my schedule, and I would adhere to it no matter what.

Well, when a text message from Google tells me it's time to write while I'm on the highway, or while shooting 12 year old gamers in their little e-faces, it proved to be bullshit. Organization has never been my problem. Having the right set of technological hoo-haa to drop reminders was never the issue. I'm the issue. Always have been, always will be.

I'm done with it all. Action item lists, management schemes, reminders that pop up just millimeters from my twitter feed, and so on. They don't work for me. They probably don't work for you either. Here's a plan that works: Today, you will write 1,000 motherfucking words, and be done with it. It doesn't matter when, or if it fits in some preconceived schedule. The goal isn't concerned if I'm hungry or tired or if there is a switch blade sticking out of my twitching leg. It has to be done, it will be done. Chair, ass, production. 

There is no magic in work; no pompous divinity that writers can somehow channel but the laymen can't. Action is advancement, and that is all you are entitled to. Advance the word count, move closer to the 10,000 hour theory of mastery, and have a stack of tangible product.

I'll take work over magic any day. This isn't Hogwarts, and unless you've got some goods under that robe to show me, get the fuck out and finish something.
 
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